DC woman tries to breach securitty of White House & My reaction to a widespread theory on her motives.

As I stood at work I saw a video of the car chase on one of our many televisions out of the corner of my eye and turned to get more information which is how I usually am in cases such as this one because my curiosity leads me to want to know WHY; why did this happen? why was the woman killed instead of tranquilized? why did it take so long for anyone to realize that there was an 18 month old baby in the car? and the biggest one...why did she do it? The television station (CNN) seemed to have no answers but was more than willing to fire out some random theories as to why including one that really offended me personally. In order to understand why I am offended you must understand that I suffer from Depression and Anxiety which both seemed to magically jump out of thin air and into my personality after having children. Now when I say this I am sure there will be those who will scoff or say that it is all in my head though I assure you the anxiety attacks and horribly crippling mood swings are not just "in my head" or "made up for attention". I love my family and my life and I would not change having kids for even a second, but let me tell you that dealing with all of it is time consuming and unbelievably tiring. They cannot just put you on Prozac and POOF you are better; it is a long process of trial and error and to be honest I'm not sure I would have kept trying if it weren't for my children. They do not understand that I have a disease that attacks how I think and tries to change how I act, but they support me on my bad days and are there hugging me and loving me all the time no matter how bad or great a day I am having. This is not easy for me to talk about because many of my friends do not understand this part of me and we have drifted apart because of that. So last night while I stood there and watched CNN blame this mother's irrational actions on postpartum depression and I heard the responses of news anchors and my customers alike I became deeply disturbed. I am glad that I had family there to tell me something was wrong with me because without them I am not sure I would have noticed until I was so far gone that I may have wound up like this woman. I am not sure if she was depressed, but to me that is a big difference from so psycho just trying to storm the white house because they believe the president is going to kill us all...The comments I heard included "people that depressed should be locked up and the key thrown away" or "who even let someone like that have children" which to me only further reinforces the idea that I should not come out to anyone I do not explicitly trust about my condition. It scares the crap out of me because they don't even consider that maybe this woman was a normal person whose brain just stopped working just as mine has,but unlike me maybe she did not have a caring husband who talked her down every time she freaked out, parents who helped whenever they could with anything they could, and a few loyal friends who wouldn't judge her based on something that she can't control. I understand that what she did was not right AT ALL, but can we just take a minute to acknowledge that maybe she wasn't fully in control of herself at the time and didn't have someone to talk her down off that ledge. Honestly what does it for me is when I get called crazy. It sends me into a total anger/frustration/self loathing tailspin and so my family tends to avoid that word knowing how it makes me feel and I am currently considered stable and on medication. I cannot even imagine what it must feel like when you are not being treated and have no support system to help with this. It also doesn't help that new moms are often made to feel like they have to have everything down pat from changing diapers in a car because there are no changing stations to making sure your kid doesn't projectile vomit on everyone like a scene out of Poltergeist which lets face it...it isn't gonna happen. There are days where the laundry doesn't get done and dishes are left in my sink and hell yeah, I would be embarrassed to have anyone over, but I spent the day coloring and playing dress up with my kids and when my daughter hugs and kisses me at the end of those days when I am tucking her in and tells me that it was "the best day ever" and that she loves me not to the moon and back as I tell her and her brother, but "to the sun and forth" and it reinforces my strong belief that I did the right thing in leaving that mess for later. Lets face it, parenting is exhausting and every single parent has had at least one day where at the end instead of picking up those toys or folding that laundry you crash into your bed like as if it is your life preserver. I'm sure if anyone reads this they will judge me and that is fine. I am not asking for internet acceptance as I have acceptance sitting in the next room eating cocoa puffs and feeding them to their stuffed animals in their fort we built earlier. I am a human and imperfect and all I ask is that when you see situations like this one on the news where they theorize over the mental stability of the person think about that person and how we have NO idea what their life has been like up until this point and as it is put in the bible (which I do not quote often) "let those of us who are without sin cast the first stone" because, really, not one of us is perfect and always does what is expected of them. I know I combined two rants into one here, but I just feel as though someone needs to say it...the system of helping those with mental issues is shoddy and sloppy at best and every time I see an incident in the news blamed on this I wonder where was everyone around them who would encourage them to talk to someone or see a doctor for help...

My Excuse...

What is my excuse? I normally don't care about ads like this and tend to shrug them off, but I have to say this one really bothered me. As a mother of two I gained a significant amount of weight during my pregnancy in addition to that I gained a medical condition that causes me to rapidly gain weight. I work out every few days but for me losing weight is an uphill battle. I am not an unhealthy person, my bmi is within a normal range though my weight is a little higher than I would like. I have stretch marks circling my waist and thighs, but to be honest I think that this is what makes me ME. I am not a carbon copy of a personal trainer in some magazine and I'll be damned if I am going to let some magazine tell me that how I look is me making excuses. I think that these are way more beautiful than some carbon copy made to make us all feel guilty. We all have different metabolisms and daily routines as well as health problems so In my opinion to say its an excuse when not every mother looks like that is a very smallminded and horribly mean spirited thing to do especially when most mothers are already so self conscious about the changes that our bodies go through as a NATURAL part of having children. To say that we are less or are making excuses is so highly offensive to me that every time I see that picture it makes me want to tear it up in frustration. So please remember that not all of us agree with ads that make women out to be barbies or super models because that is not a realistic view of all that we are.

Best 4 Years...

I'm normally not much of a crier and my husband even less so. We can watch most movies without shedding a tear. Now that being said as a parent within the first few seconds of this song coming on we were both bawling. I can not even come close to imagining the pain that this family went through as I watch my daughter build me a castle on the carpet next to me and laugh with me as she talks about the coming holidays. I feel as though this song should have gotten more attention online than I have seen it get and just wanted to share it. Whether you are a fan of the singer or not it very beautifully describes a parents love and everyone should hear it...

The Desensitization of America

I know, I know...the title makes this seem like just another blog about how TV and video games are corrupting the youth. And yes you would be somewhat right, but the difference is that I watch TV every night, I play world of Warcraft, diablo 3, and Star Wars on my computer, and I own an Xbox 360 which I am on at least once a week. I think that while I do all of these things I try to maintain a healthy balance opting to go out with friends and/or family rather than sit home. I really believe that if a person chooses to walk away from all of the electronics they can live a healthy normal life. Although that is where the problem lies. Most people today would rather sit at home and watch movies about murders and theft or play video games where you kill other people for money and prizes than go out in the real world and have to deal with other people. That being said, I am not the most social person in the world as I have very few friends but I try and go out when I can and meet new people. I feel as though the movies and games being put out in this day and age are reinforcing the idea that reclusive behavior is okay. Not only that but I think it affects what people think is appropriate behavior. When I was in grade school it was unheard of for someone to walk into a school with a gun, or for children to be posting naked pictures of themselves online, or for children to be having relationships with people they have never met before. I think technology today has provided us with a false sense of security like a tightrope walker who thinks there is a net underneath them when there is nothing but empty air. I think that the programs we have can be a gift or a curse depending on how they are used.

To the Ignorant People that think it is okay...

Dear Ignorant assholes who think that it is okay to bash someone because of their sexual preferences, beliefs, or appearance, I find you to be the shining example of intolerance and idiocy on this planet. While I may not agree with others beliefs or sexual preferences or even what they choose to wear I keep it to myself because lets be honest here...its none of my business what other people choose to do or believe. When companies such as the Oreo company, JC Penney, and Google all decided to show support for the G&L community I felt proud of them because they are standing up and saying exactly what I believe to be true, that nobody should give a crap if you are gay, straight, bisexual, black, white, indian, christian, catholic, agnostic, or whatever you are. NONE OF IT MATTERS. You say that the bible condemns gay marriage, but you are picking and choosing which passages you believe because I'm pretty sure that something about blended materials in clothing is forbidden if I remember correctly. Also "Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." -Mark 5:10 is a verse that stands out to me in this case. In church I was always taught tolerance, acceptance, and understanding and I WAS NEVER taught that my beliefs went before what GOD wants or that picketing a dead soldiers funeral is okay because he is attracted to men or she is attracted to women...Yep pretty sure God doesn't support that. Even if I were not a religious person I would still believe that you people need to shut up and reread the bible a couple of times because I'm pretty sure that nowhere in there does it say that you can pick and choose what you want to follow and let me tell you that if there is a heaven you are gonna look pretty damn stupid when you have to stand up and account for how you have treated these people who have done nothing wrong to you. I'm really getting tired of this becoming a public debate seeing how it is no ones business. That should be the end of it. It doesn't affect you, your family, or how you live...you may have to explain to your kids but are you really that uncomfortable talking to your children for 5 minutes about it rather than making thousands of people live in misery because you don't want to have to explain it to your children? Its easy, here I'll talk you thru it...little Cindy has two mommies or two daddies instead of a mommy and a daddy, but they love her just as much as your mommy and daddy love you. There not so difficult, right? So shut the hell up and let people live their lives the way they want to. Sincerely, A heterosexual christian married mother of two (not that it matters to anyone but you...) PS. yes, this is geared more towards sexual preference than anything else since because it seems as though I cant watch TV or open facebook without seeing someone spouting intolerance for the G & L community like its their job.

Doctors, Specialists, and More Doctors...

So a couple of days ago I had blood work done because my Gynecologist thought my thyroid gland looked swollen. I'm not even really sure if they should be checking that but I'm glad she did. I found out that I have Hypothyroidism which means that my thyroid is not working hard enough which can cause a whole slew of problems including anemia, depression, fatigue, uncontrollable weight gain, and irregular period cycles (all of which I have at this moment). First off I am upset that my primary care physician did not think to test me for something like this when he put me on medication for depression or when he noticed that my weight has been steadily going up even though I have been increasing my exercise every day in an attempt to get back into my normal weight range. I have no problem saying that right now I am pushing 170lbs and that I should be at most 140lbs and I would like to be around 130lbs. My problem is that weighing this much doesn't feel healthy to me even though I have gone on a very strict healthy foods diet and have increased my exercise to 1 1/2 hr exercise every weekday. In addition to this new problem, the blood work had some abnormalities (which they wouldn't explain over the phone) and they wanted me to come in to talk about taking the BRCA test because of the abnormalities and because of my family history. This really freaks me out because I have had more than one cancer scare in the last few years, but my husband has actually really been great about it all. Now I have to see my primary care physician, an endocrinologist, my gynecologist, and a lab place for the blood work. That is WAY too many doctors for me and I really wish that someone could sit me down and explain everything to me in a better way than everyone has. I'm just not sure if there are things that I should know about all of this or if it is okay that I feel like a child lost in the woods.

Pregnant Stars Posing Nude for magazines...what do you think?

Recently I read an article on how Jessica Simpson posed nude for a magazine cover which some stores kept covered because they were getting complaints. Don't get me wrong I think being pregnant is a wonderful and beautiful experience but I think posing nude (pregnant or not) for the cover of a magazine comes off as a bit trashy. I get it when it's for magazines like Playboy, but when its a regular magazine like Elle or something not meant to be used as porn I really don't see the point in that. I think that they look just as attractive if not more so with their clothes on. Maybe that makes me old fashioned but how I think of it is would I want my kids, their friends, or even a potential boss to find these pictures someday down the road and take them the wrong way. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with a pregnant woman showing off the beauty that comes with being pregnant but I have seen plenty of women that have done that without taking their clothes off. I just don't understand the need to have pictures taken of you nude and posted on the front of a magazine for all the world to see. What do you think?